Listening is a gift and it involves more than our ears. It does not involve our mouth.
One of my favorite teachers and coaches, Rich Litvin, asked his 95-year-old grandmother what wisdom she wanted to pass on to the next generation. She didn’t hesitate: “People have forgotten that LISTEN has the same letters as the word SILENT.”
Want to improve your listening skills? Stop interrupting. Practice curiosity. Ask questions.
It’s ironic, but we don’t listen to the ones we love the most because we think we already know what the other person will say.
It’s as if we’re wearing earplugs with those most close to us. Inserting our earplugs allows us to make assumptions before they speak. It’s referred to as the closeness communication bias.
Check out Kate Murphy, she refers to ‘wearing earplugs’ in her book You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters.
When you practice curiosity, when you elevate your level of listening, your relationships improve.
~Margalit
We know we’re in the company of a good listener vs. someone who’s not. A skilled listener resists the urge to insert their point of view or their advice, they ask questions, and they don’t interrupt. Good listeners build trust and connection with the person speaking because that person feels heard.
My cousin Robbie taught me my first hard lesson on listening when I was 15 years old. We were chatting when he suddenly fell silent mid-sentence. “Margalit, you stopped listening to me. Now, I’m going to tell you will something that will change your life.”
“You were planning your next sentence, weren’t you? Waiting for me to stop talking so you can start speaking. Well, you can’t have a conversation with anyone if you don’t take the time to listen. You want to be different? Listen more.”
That moment is firmly planted in my brain — 50 years later.
I don’t make many promises in my coaching practice, but this is an exception. When you practice curiosity, when you elevate your level of listening, your relationships improve. Period.
Try it, and let me know if I’m wrong.
There’s a reason we were born with two ears and one mouth.